Week 688: Making Short Work


"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Ernest Hemingway famously wrought exquisite drama and poignancy in that
six-word story. Almost as famously (judging from the number of people who
e-mailed us), Wired magazine recently asked 33 well-known writers to try
to match it. (The results are in the November issue .) They did okay --
it's a tough order -- but they didn't have the motivation of prize
magnets the size of business cards. You can do better: You could be more
topical, more local and, most of all, funnier. This week: Write a
humorous six-word story.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets a flimsy metal lunch box promoting Living Dead Dolls, a
pricey series of ghoulish collectible figures that we hope are made
better than this. Just the thing for little Madison to take to preschool
at the Nurturing Garden Institute.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the
all-new lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant
per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 20. Put "Week 688" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published Dec. 10. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
The revised title for next week's contest is by Ken Gallant of Little
Rock. The Honorable Mentions name is by Dave Prevar.

Report From Week 684, in which we asked you to spell an actual word backward and come up with a
definition for the result.

The Empress patiently read backward through
thousands of entries this week; among the funny ideas that everyone
thought of were "noisevelet: a loud device that takes care of children"
and "tengam: a very attractive leg."

4. Ih: The standard response to people who cheerily say "Good morning!"
at 5:30 a.m. (Steve Offutt, Arlington)

3. Evor: A cloistered madman's grotesque henchman, whose servile
repetitions of "Yes, Master!" mask his own nefarious schemes. (Anne
Paris, Arlington)

2. winner of the book "Everything I Ate: A Year in the Life of My Mouth":

Kazum: File-sharing software that nobody will use. (David Franks, Wichita)

And the Winner of the Inker

Atnas: The man who bears the weight of the entire American economy on his
shoulders. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

More From the Dyslexicon

Acacam: A device for filming a politician who behaves like a lower
primate. (Anne Paris)

Aerok: The site of the latest foreign policy crisis. (John Doucette, New
York)

Amam: The ultimate ruler. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Amaso: Latin for "I hate you." (Tom Witte)

Arn: Rifle: "Hand me muh shootin' arn." (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Asip: The largest amount of wine you can drink after you're already
tilting 6 degrees. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Ay, Bud!: A false familiarity that serves to assert dominance over one
who is not in a position to either object or reciprocate. (T. Blossom,
Washington) (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Derf: Someone whose name has become unfashionable. (Fred Dawson,
Beltsville)

Demood: To tell your date all about your ex-wife. (Kevin Dopart,
Washington; Daniel Bahls, Brighton, Mass.)

Drut: Cigar. (Bird Waring, New York)

E! but Oog!: A quickly changing reaction to exciting good news when you
suddenly realize the negatives. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Edun: No fig leaves in THIS garden. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Egap: The difference between teens' and adults' techno-savvy, or one who
suffers from it: "What an egap! He didn't even know about IM
transcripts!" (Noah Meyerson, Washington)

Elbbub: The demon responsible for keeping your house on the market all
year. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Enigami: It's not just a crumpled-up piece of paper -- it's actually a
bear, if you take the time to really look at it . . . or maybe it's a dog
. . . (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

eRif: The most cowardly way to lay off an employee. (Dave Prevar,
Annapolis)

Esebo: A diet pill that doesn't work. (Tom Witte)

Eyeder: A bird that flies only from dusk till dawn. (Tom Witte)

Ezepart: What acrobats consider swinging by their teeth, compared with
filing their health insurance claims. (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

F-4: How Cheney flew over Vietnam. (Kevin Dopart)

Gnop-gnip: Better onomatopoeia for the same game. (Phil Frankenfeld,
Washington)

Kartma: A spiritual journey that usually starts late. (Mick Cranston,
Eugene, Ore.)

Kayak: A boat that is paddled backward and forward equally easily. (Rick
Peters, Bethesda)

Laffo: The gags comedians save for use on low-rated talk shows. (Stephen
Dudzik)

Lecrap: Your free gift with any Lancome purchase. (Kyle Hendrickson,
Frederick)

LeMac: A sandwich made in desert outposts of the French Foreign Legion.
(Mike Peck, Alexandria)

Megatarts: Target of careful planning when guys go out on the town. (Jeff
Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Mop mop: What some ex-cheerleaders shake when their looks finally go.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

NAPS-C: A powerful sedative for those who wish to sleep during daytime.
(John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

Niagra B: The cheapest prescription drug in Canada. (Kevin Dopart)

Nogatco: A company that manufactures stop signs. (Tom Witte)

Nopac: Tupac's decidedly less virile brother. (Mary Ann Henningsen,
Minden, Nev.)

NU: A Yiddish expression meaning "And so? You expected them to do
something?" (Seth Brown)

Oozak: The only thing worse than Muzak. (Tom Witte)

Oy oy oy: Refrain made popular by the Jewish rapper Cardiologist Dre.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Palwed: Your married buddy, the one with the triple chin. (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)

Pmart: Where did you think streetwalkers got those clothes? (David Franks)

Porc: D.C.'s primary agricultural export. (Kevin Dopart)

Pot-pit: lowest classification; the absolute bottom. (Drew Bennett,
Alexandria)

Red-negsnart: What your negsnart area looks like right after the surgery.
(Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

Rellik: A once-notorious but now mostly forgotten murderer, like David
Berkowitz. (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Seno: A gambling resort town for the very frugal. (Tom Witte)

Spit: One way of showing how much you liked your waiter's service. (Amy
Smith, Washington)

St. Nemlia: Patron saint of hypochondriacs. (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

St. Tub: Patron saint of the big-boned. (Kevin Dopart)

Stun OD: The stupor brought on by a sugar rush at Krispy Kreme. (Jim
Cottrell, Damascus)

Swollag: A suddenly interrupted gulp of air. (Tom Witte)

Sydnew: A chewy bit in your chili that you suspect didn't come from a
cow. (Paul VerNooy, Wilmington, Del.)

Tibo: A replay of one's life. (Tom Witte)

Tsal: There ain't no more. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

Tubed: Failed on the first try. (Toby Gottfried, Santa Ana, Calif.)

Yesnik: Someone who's agreeable to sex anywhere, anytime, any kind. (Tom
Witte)

And Last: St. Luser: For whom I religiously light a candle each Saturday
night. (Kevin Dopart)

Next Week: Thank It Over, or Mutiny Against the Bounty